I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
