I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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