You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
