My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
