it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
