I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
