If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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