At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
