Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
