its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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