You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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