you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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