she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
