no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
