can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
