community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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