I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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