Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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