I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize