if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
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