All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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