called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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