we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
