it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
