I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
