If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
