I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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