Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
