i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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