Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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