Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
