You're my little dorito
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
