from now on my penis is your penis
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize