It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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