Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
