hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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