If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I cut my penus on the lid.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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