Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
