ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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