my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
