we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize