Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
