Fine. I'll sleep in my office
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
