so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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