sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
