woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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