my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
