My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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