this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
