Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
