is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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