you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
