alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
