The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
