i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
