he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
