i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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