Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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