apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
