sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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