Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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