I just pynch a tree in the face
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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