I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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