Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
