her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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