Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
