There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
