I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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