I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize