atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
